


Phil the Failed Prankster

by LetterJumble



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Bants, Established Relationship, Fluff, Humor, POV Phil, Prank Wars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-12-17 10:41:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11849901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LetterJumble/pseuds/LetterJumble
Summary: Dan had made Phil jump too many times. Phil was determined to get him back once and for all.





	Phil the Failed Prankster

Phil Lester was on a roll. He got Dan to eat spicy gummies, he smashed a banana down his back, and he sprayed his face with water. Finally, after years of trying, he was nailing these little pranks. Except for that minor incident where he hid behind a curtain and Dan walked past him without noticing. But that didn’t count. The exasperated groan and then giggle Dan would give after he was successful was glorious. Phil wanted more. He wanted, no needed, something bigger and better. 

There was also the fact that this morning, Dan scared him when he was bringing the morning coffee to the couch. Phil actually screamed when Dan placed the coffee down. He swears it was because he was mostly asleep and Dan was more quieter footed than normal. Dan just cackled and claimed Phil was so easy. So Phil needed revenge. 

Like he often did, Phil turned to the Internet for help. There were pranks too mean (faking death) too expensive (turning a room into a ball pit) and too time consuming (covering everything in post-its. Phil recalled knocking over giant sound proofing panels; he would be disastrous with post-its.) 

There were, however, a few good ideas. Thankfully, there was also same day shipping. He was hyped up and ready to go. 

“What did you order?” Dan trudged up the stairs, holding a massive box.

“Nothing.” Phil widened his eyes slightly, and blinked purposely. 

Dan snorted. “Liar.”

“Really, just some socks. A couple pairs of mine had holes.”

“Socks.”

“Yes. Socks.”

“That box is giant. What did you order fifty pairs of socks?” Dan smirked. He was determined to win this.

“All right fine, it’s socks and an early Christmas present.”

“Phil. It’s August. It is not an early Christmas present. You’re not even allowed to say that word yet.” Phil opened his mouth. “Or sing the songs.” Phil closed his mouth and scowled. Dan laughed. 

“Fine. I’ll just return your present then?”

“Noooo” Dan whined. 

Phil grinned, his tongue hanging a little out of his mouth. “Great, I’ll be in my room.”

As he walked away, Dan shouted down the hallway. “I still don’t believe you.”

 **********************

Twenty minutes later, Phil snuck back into the living room, where Dan was scrolling through the Internet. He studied, took aim, and launched a stuffed rat. It whacked Dan perfectly in the face.

“Yes!” Phil shouted triumphantly. 

“Phil!” Dan groaned. He leaned over and picked up the rat. “Is this what you bought? Is this a rat? Were you trying to scare me?”

Phil sighed. “You didn’t even jump.”

“Nope.” Dan smirked. “I am a man of steel. Straight-faced. Hardened looks. Nothing gets past me. I don’t even flinch!”

“I should have thrown a moth at you.”

He gasped. “Philip! You wouldn’t dare!”

“Just you wait Daniel. Just you wait.” Phil turned and walked away.

 **********************

The next stage was mayonnaise oreos. Phil had a solid work plan. Untwist the top of an oreo, spread on a layer of mayonnaise, replace the oreo top, eat a non-tampered with oreo, place the mayonnaise one on plate. Repeat. He ended up with 7 on the plate and five in his stomach. 

“Daaan” He wandered back into the living room. “Want a snack?”

Dan eyed the plate. “What did you do?”

“Nothing!”

“Oh come on. You’re still trying to get back at me.”

“I just wanted to be nice and get us a snack. They’re just oreos Dan. Do they look like I did anything with them?” 

Dan picked one up. He turned it around and around, inspecting it very closely. He put it back down. “You eat one first.”

“What?”

“They’re for us aren’t they?” Dan wrapped an arm around Phil’s waist. “That was so kind of you. You eat the first one.” Phil hesitated. He should have put a regular one on the plate. “I knew there was something wrong!” Phil’s hesitation had Dan grinning triumphantly. 

Phil grabbed an oreo and tossed it in his mouth. He schooled his face as best he could. It was horrible. “Delicious!” He smiled.

Dan reached a hand out tentatively. He took a bit, chewed, and swallowed. “Phil. That is disgusting. How did you keep smiling while eating it?”

“How did you?” Stupid Daniel and his stupid face. 

“I told you Phil. You can’t get me.” He wiggled his eyebrows. “Truly though, those are masterfully nauseating. What did you put in there?”

“Layer of mayonnaise.”

Laughter filled the room. “You didn’t even grimace! Dan! I hate you!” Phil ran his fingers through Dan’s hair. He was loving the fluffy curly mop that now sat on his head. 

“Love you too.”  


 **********************

After a much need curl together and snuggle in a nest of blankets and anime time, Dan went to make dinner and Phil went to make his favorite prank of all. He was going to turn Dan’s loud clacky keyboard into a plant. It was quite possibly, the most Phil prank ever. He was so excited when he saw it online. All he needed was a cheap keyboard to ruin, some dirt, some seeds and lots of water.

He pounded the dirt into all the crevices with a pair of chopsticks to get the dirt down as deep as it could go. He shoved in chia seeds. He drenched it with water. Than he wrapped it in a plastic bag and left it on the windowsill in his room, because Dan wouldn’t really go there unless they were filming a video. It was supposed to take a week to really be grown, which Phil figured was perfect, because surely Dan will have forgotten about the pranks by then. Especially since Phil had a big one planned in two days. 

When Phil woke up the next morning he water the keyboard plant. He poured two bowls of cereal and when Dan slammed the coffee down extra hard, he didn’t even flinch.

“Damn.” Dan said.

“Can’t get me now!”

“Mmmhmmm.” They sleepily ate and got through an hour of tv. Then Dan spent an hour practicing piano while Phil spent an hour going through emails and documents. They switched and Phil spent an hour skyping with an old uni friend while Dan spent an hour editing a gaming video. Then they shoved some food in their mouths and went off to a meeting with their managers about plans and projects and business and conferences. If only people knew how tedious those could get. 

Back home, Phil watered the keyboard. They sat down and hammered out a shooting schedule. Phil tweeted. Dan blasted some new album through the house and edited some more. Phil worked on a thumbnail and picked a new header. They ordered Thai takeaway for dinner, and watched some home improvement shoes late into the night. 

Phil watered the keyboard. They got ready for bed and crawled in. After Phil was sure Dan was a sleep, he snuck out and rigged an air horn to blast when Dan opened the bathroom door. Dan never got up in the middle of the night, and Phil typically woke first. He figured he’d just use the other bathroom and the hover by the door when Dan finally woke. 

 **********************

A piercing scream and blaring horn ripped Phil out of his sleep. He flung himself up and saw a blurry body next to the bathroom door. He leapt up and turned on the light and shoved his glasses on his face. 

Dan looked legitimately scared. 

“Shit Sorry.” Phil yelped. He hurried over. “I thought I’d be awake first. And it would be light out.” His arms wrapped around Dan. “What are you doing up? It’s the middle of the night!” He could feel Dan shaking. “I’m sorry! I know you’re afraid of the dark.” The attached bathroom was a very big selling point for Dan. No scary hallways in the dark when he was getting ready for bed. Phil hated mean pranks and that was just what he had done. Phil pulled back to look at Dan’s face. He was laughing. “Are you laughing?”

“You scared the shit out of me Phil.” Despite this, Dan had a smile on his face.

Phil let himself grin. “You’re terrified scream scared the shit out of me!”

Dan rolled his eyes. “I was not terrified. It was a very small scream. More of a startle than anything.”

“Sure Dan.”

“It was!” Dan protested. “I hate you by the way.”

“Love you too.”

“I had to go to the bathroom Phil! I literally almost pissed myself.”

“Sorry?” Phil grinned. “I totally win! I actually scared you. You actually screamed! Ha!”

Dan snorted. “I still have to pee, by the way. You need to get that off the door.” He groaned. “Oh my god, we’re going to be evicted. They’ve probably called the cops. The neighbors think you’ve murdered me.”

“Oops.” Phil did not look displeased. “I’ll have to open the door to get in the bathroom, then I’ll un-trap the door. You can use the downstairs bath.”

Dan looked at him like he was crazy. “Uh-uh. No way. You are walking me to the bathroom. You are opening the door. ”

Phil grinned. “Alright Howell, you big baby.” He grabbed his hand. “Off we go.”

 **********************

A week later Phil told Dan the missing sweater he wanted was probably in Phil’s room, and to just go find it. 

“Phil?” Dan called.

“Yeah?”

“What’s in the plastic bag? Is it wet?”

“Oh my god!” Phil ran down the stairs. “I forgot all about this. I haven’t checked on it in days. I hope it’s still alive.”

Dan backed away. “It’s alive?”

“No, no no no. It’s not an animal. It’s a plant! I was going to prank you.” Phil undid the bag. The keyboard had a healthy growth of green bursting from the keys. The A had even started to lift off the keyboard. “Look!” It was perfect. “Isn’t this the coolest thing ever! It’s a plant! And a prank!”

Dan cracked up. “Only you could find that Phil. It’s the perfect Phil prank.”

“I know! I was so excited when I saw this! I worked so hard!” He paused. “Until I forgot about it. I haven’t watered it in a while. I guess it made a mini-green house in the bag! Where should we put it?”

“Small lounge?”

“Great!” Phil scurried off.

“Phil.” Dan called.

“Yeah.”

“You know I love you.”

“…Yeah.”

“You know I’m going to get you back for scaring the shit out of me.”

“Don’t kill my plant! I named it Kip Keyboard the Plant!”

Dan just cackled menacingly.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
